Duelo Boxes

Duelo is a Spanish word for pain, grief, or mourning. Loss is something everyone experiences but it’s not something most of us are great at processing. Hopeful Lament is intended to offer both permission and, just as significantly, practical ways to engage with sadness. Duelo Boxes are simply a collection of tools for metabolizing grief or tuning into things that sustain and ground you as you go.

So many possibilities exist for creating a Duelo Box of your own and every one of them can come from everyday items. Whether you are making a box for yourself or a loved one, here are a few ideas. Many items might already be on hand. Others might require a little more time, intention, and sourcing. Feel free to reference the boxes I’ve made* to get ideas for other inclusions. As always, please take what serves you and leave the rest. There is never a need to rush these things or engage in any practice that doesn’t resonate.

You’re welcome to create a DIY Duelo box for yourself or someone you know who needs one. My encouragement is to choose objects that are tactile and engage as many senses as possible.

possible additions

Salt packets
Small jar (consider thrifting one!)
A beeswax tea light or battery-powered candle
A prism (This is a way of remembering that the light and goodness of the life, dream, or relationship you are grieving remains even in absence. Love is enfolded in your grief remains as you mourn.)
A crayon or a piece of chalk
A pressed flower
An honest word
A bookmark to remind you to take breaks and maybe let yourself get lost in a good story

I wish I could make Duelo Boxes for everyone reading these words but I have to honor that it’s beyond my capacity to sustain. I remain committed to sending everyone who wants one a special bookmark for their journey. If you’d like to receive a bookmark and be put into our regular drawings for specialized Duelo Box please fill out this form.

my duelo boxes typically include:

Flower seeds, fabric, and paper to tear– all connected to the tearing practices found starting on page 34 at the end of the second chapter. (Note: I used watercolor, gold or ivory paint, and incense ashes on the tearing paper.)
Bandanas dyed with either avocado (light purple), yellow onion (dark orangey-brown), or beets (pale beige).
More paper? Yes!— there is art paper for creating collages or mandalas like those described at the end of chapters eight and ten.
An envelope containing words and images you can use in collage (feel free to add your own, of course)
A trusty glue stick

All of these things can be used as a kind of prayer.

So the duelo boxes can also include a container of essential oil to remind you that all lament is a kind of prayer. As Psalm 141:2 says, “Let my prayer be counted as incense before you…” Your kit will contain frankincense or palo santo oil as both scents are connected with prayer practices in various cultures.

Grief is hard work

A square of burlap can remind you that grief is hard work. There is a reason ancient lament practices include wearing sackcloth—its coarse texture reflects the realities of living with pain and loss. On the burlap, you’ll find a safety pin to remind you that patient pacing is key to practicing lament in a way that heals rather than contributes to more suffering.

Please be kind to yourself

Lastly, herbal tea reminds you to be kind to yourself in all these things. Maybe you’ll make a mug to accompany your reading or practice. Or you might sip the tea as you talk with a friend or two about what you are discovering about hopeful lament.